"THE EFFECT"
I cried severally in the space of 3 episodes, I think that says a lot of this series. When I started watching I would have never expected such depth from it but then they will wowed me with the way they handled everything. The most important thing portrayed is that there is a consequence for every action, essentially THE EFFECT of each action.
Keng’s parents expecting him to be protect their reputation which was why he only accepted himself being gay late, his bit of denial and ultimately insulting man led to Man’s jealousy (although man’s jealousy was absolutely stupid, you are not entitled to someone liking you, they say they don’t like you, the move on). Man’s jealousy led to him posting about Shin and Keng, people ignorantly talking and posting more on the Shin and Keng issue, which led to Shin to spiral and pull away from Keng, which led to Keng to spiral and do the most abominable thing to Shin, which just had the worse effects afterwards.
This series touches on so many things which I would address when I am talk about in the story aspect for me but I think the most important thing I got out of this are some basic questions we never ask ourselves because we think it can never be our reality, but this showed everything can be turned upside down in the matter of seconds. How would we react if the world turned against us? When everything you know to be true is destroyed to its very core, how do we build back up? But mostly importantly, blaming ourselves for what happens to people especially with low self-esteem.


STORY
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I wish I could give the story more than a 10, but 10 is the highest I can give it on a scale of 10.

The show held absolutely nothing back and the topics it touched are the ones we all wish to brush under the cap, but they took it head on and handled it so beautifully as well.
1. Rape (especially the fact that people who perpetrate rape are never too far from home), and calling Rape, rape. Not the gate way to love or whatever
2. Bullying on social media (especially with the cancel culture tendencies of our generation) and the way people just move on from it as though they have not ruined several people’s lives with their words)
3. Depression and Suicide, which is becoming more and more of a reality amongst LGBT youth. But most especially the pain that we need to stop when we attempt suicide and I speak from past experience of when I attempted suicide, when you want everything to stop.
4. Mental Health, I separated mental health from suicide because I feel this is an entire discussion after the fact of shin, that is the ending itself.
Minor themes touched on briefly.
1. Society actual reaction to the LGBT community, where people could still lose everything for coming out
2. Parents that care more about reputation than the actual happiness of their child (which is probably what led to the increase in depression in our generation probably)
3. The show also was a little forward on HIV

Now you might think that rape is touched on by other BL series but one thing that this had that the others was that they did not try to sugarcoat it, they showed depth to rape victims other than falling deeper in love with the rapists, they displayed the agony and PTSD that comes with rape. They were very raw with it and I loved that about their series. I felt Shin’s pain when he was raped, I felt his pain afterwards on not seeing any light in the world, I felt his pain when he took the money because he wanted it to end and I felt his pain at the point of the suicide because yes, he was tired of all the pain. This right here is the proper way to portray rape, not the disgusting attitude I have seen from Thai media, where Rape is treated like love, I understand that Keng was in love with Shin and that made it all the more painful but I am happy they did not shy away from calling out the disgusting thing that is called rape and making Shin mystically forgive him and just move on. I absolutely loved it.
It is traumatizing when a person is subjected to rape, let alone to relive it when you are opening it up to another person. That is why victims of rape tend not to tell anyone or report it to the authorities.

Social Media in our day and age has become such a power tool that has been misused and this show went to show that, social media is a tool of good but also of absolute harm when intended. Whether intentionally or unintentionally you could make someone’s life absolute hell with the “innocent” words that you post online. Another thing I took away from this, SOCIAL MEDIA doesn’t always tell the whole story but only what is decided to be shown (CHECK UP THE TAYLOR SWIFT AND KANYE WEST STORY OF RECENT OR THE JAMES CHARLES AND TATI WESTBROOK story), when all you are using is a picture to jump to conclusions, then it is to the detriment of someone else. The Taylor Swift and Kanye West story goes to show that even a video can be used to mislead people and bullet holes can’t be fixed by band aids, the damage done by social media is a lot of the times irreversible. Basically guys, please learn to be more careful about what you say or share across social media please. Social media is powerful and when manipulated, an example what Tati Westbrook did to James Charles, it does not matter your intentions, the damage you have done to a person is done. This reminds us to be more responsible in what we do and say on social media because we might not know, someone is hurting and dying inside.
The suicide and depression story hit closer to home for me than I expected to, as someone who has attempted suicide and been depressed, I can understand Shin. Sometimes we think doing some things will ease the pain from us, all we want is for that pain to end (I am not saying it is this way for every single person that attempts or commits suicide but a lot of us feel this), sometimes we just need everything to stop and suicide is the best way to escape it. (Side note for someone like me I found that engaging in nonstop work is a little helpful, it does not stop the anguish and all, but it is a good distraction). Honestly, I tell people not to judge people whom have attempted or committed suicide, you don’t know what it means to be on that edge and the feeling of hopeless that comes with it, it is a battle people fight every day and I love that it was captured in this honestly. But people should understand it is not necessarily the rape that leads to death but the agony, depression and sometimes PTSD that comes with it.

Episode 1: This was the basic average love story, crushing on that person from afar, meeting them, developing more feelings for the person until we arrive at the love stage. But this episode just went on to prove the narrative of after the calm comes the storm because honestly, I do not think people were ready for episodes 2 and 3.

Episode 2 where majority of the events that shaped the narrative happened. This episode was honestly quite painful to watch especially the last 20 minutes, I took several breaks to watch it. But the most important thing that I want people to note is that fact that the major events of the episode were a slow build up and didn’t all happen at once, one thing led to another, another lead to another until we had the rape. If you are someone who has some form of PTSD, especially from rape or anything of the sorts, please watch this episode with a trusted friend or something

Episode 3: This was the climax, like things went deeper and darker. I tell you, you definitely are not ready for episode 3, even if you believe you are, you are not. I don’t think I can write on this episode properly, it was just so much like I am still trying to wrap my head around the episode, I mean I am still crying at this very moment about episode 3, so that should tell you a whole lot about what to expect from episode 3. The ending was so perfect but yet so painful at the same time, because when you thought of all that could have been when they said “only if I had explained better” and “only if I had listened better”, then the sharp ending after that , I was honestly not prepared for this, that is all I have to say.


On the implied issue of "mental health", one can say that the both leads suffered a mental condition in one way or the other. As one expressed this condition outwards by inflicting harm to others, while the other is to himself. And without the right intervention, it clearly shows the very ugly side of it.

This show struck a chord because as someone who has battled mental health issues (bipolar disorder), which includes massive depression and suicidal tendencies, it felt almost like my story was told at some points. And I have friends who have been raped, so I was quite emotional about that too.

CORE FEELINGS
1. Fear
2. Anger
3. Shame
4. Sadness
5. Guilt
6. Pain/Hurt
7. Safe
8. Happiness
9. Love
10. Pride
11. Willing
12. Hopeful
13. Peaceful

You can see it the feelings that you can consider bad, affect someone negatively, destructive. On the other hand, you can identify the feeling that can build someone up. What if you are feeling more of the negative ones that the positive ones are seemingly drowned? Can you still live? When fear, anger, sadness, guilt, pain, pride, coupled with the lose of being safe, love, hope intensifies all at the same time, surely one will be broken down beyond repair.

ACTING
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I first of all have to start by saying all the actors were phenomenal, because a lot of the times I prefer reading novels because of the descriptive nature of the emotions contained or that they wish to portray but I must say that these actors really sold me on their acting, off course there were parts that could have been better but I am still going to giving them a 10 on the acting. I mean they were simply beautfiul
Yangyi as Shin’s Mother, now she did not have a lot of speaking parts but honestly, she went a long way in selling the story, I genuinely felt her felicitating with her son’s pain at so many parts as many mothers would do. Her watchful eyeful over him sold the darker stories more.
Yacht and Top as Bright and Pramote, alright, compared to the rest of the cast, Bright and Pramote didn’t convey the anguish and pain emotions as well, I mean asides when Bright was punching Keng, I definitely felt those. But I did like one part where they told him friends are there for each other in episode 3, I actually believed them in that moment, and I felt a little warm.
Oat as Keng, honestly his looks helped to sell his part more I wouldn’t lie, he looks so innocent and charming and like he could never do what he did to Shin, which goes to tell you, people are not always what they appear to be like in reality. He really sold me on the lost and regret parts after the rape I almost felt sorry for him but nah, rape is rape and is not to be condoned ever. He had a little torn between feeling sorry for him and hating him.

James as Shin was everything I wouldn’t lie, like I said, I went through every single emotion with him, like I believe this story more because of him, the shift from his innocent self to the depressed and want to die person. He made me cry which speaks volumes about his acting skills as an actor, people can have such roles and absolutely fail at executing the acting well but James delivered so much.

MUSIC
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I loved one particular song from the series, they used different parts of it and I was quite surprised to find out it was all one song. Honestly I love that song, I am currently listening to it on repeat as we speak, asides that, they tried with some piano parts of the music

REWATCH VALUE
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This is so traumatic it is almost unwatchable for a second. I definitely would watch this again but honestly after a while because I do not think that I have it in me to watch this anytime soon. Like I love it, but it is so intense, I do not think I have it in me to watch it again just yet.