Ninja Dragon (1986)

What if he pulls 3 kings?

Godfrey Ho stitched together a Frankenstein's monster from the 1982 film Dark Trap starring noted Taiwanese actor Chang Kuo Chu and new Hong Kong footage starring Richard Harrison as a ninja extraordinaire. I'm not sure if Ho's notorious dice and splice ninja films were ever supposed to make sense, this one sure didn't.

Around 70% or more of the movie was footage from Dark Trap, a Taiwanese gangster film. But when Godfrey Ho waves his magic scissors and needle, now Harrison and Paulo Tocha AKA Bruce Stallion are pulling the gangsters' strings in a deadly game with each other. After Harrison's Gordon beats Tocha's Paul and a bunch of his cronies in a game of cards, Paul has Gordon's gangster friend murdered. The gangster's daughter, Phoenix (Lily Lan), takes over with a little help from Dragon (Chang Kuo Chu). Fox Chan (Miao Tien) decides this is a good time to try a takeover and the gang war is on. Interspersed in the dark film are ninja scenes where Gordon in his camo costume and heavy-duty guyliner confronts individual bad guys and takes them out ninja style. Chiang Tao wasn't in Dark Trap but was brought on as bad guy victim #1 Black Tiger in this flick.

This is one of those films where maybe once upon a time you were watching a boring or run-of-the-mill gangster film and thought, "I wonder if ninjas inserted randomly into the film would make it better?" Better, no. Hilarious, yes. It was apparent aging beefcake Richard Harrison with his graying porn stache was not performing any of his stunts. He'd pose shirtless and then cover up head to toe and let the stuntman take over. This is around the time Tocha starred in Jean Claude Van Damme's Bloodsport as the fierce Muay Thai boxer, but he was covered up, too, when he finally faced off with Harrison. I wish they'd showed him in action sans ninja costume.

Dark Trap was its own brand of demented fun. It was difficult to tell the gangs apart as nearly everyone wore dark suits and hats as if they were in 1930's Shanghai. There were not one, but two suicides committed by the victim bashing their own head in. The television version I watched blurred out the gore and gratuitous nudity, thankfully. There were numerous double-crosses and "surprise" murders. Lily Lan did make for a proper mob boss and Miao Tien seemed to relish his devious role.

The Dark Trap part of the movie was all gun play while the magical ninjas appeared in puffs of smoke and wielded throwing stars, darts, swords, and chains. I couldn't tell you which was better, both could be comically bad. The dubbing was awful, even for the English dubbing for English speaking characters! And here's a sample of the atrocious dialogue, "You must use the Chinese against the Chinese. You're playing the Game of Death!"

If you are looking for something completely absurd to watch and have nothing else to do, or love Ho and Harrison cheap ninja smash-ups, this is for you. Otherwise, it might be best to change the channel and see what else the late, late, night movies are offering.

5/17/23

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