Etiquette for Mistresses (2015)

And That’s The Thing About Illicit Affairs

Where to begin? Right after watching the film, I find that I’m left speechless for a number of reasons. I’m always iffy towards anything that involves cheating since that’s a touchy subject and a difficult one to tackle. What convinced me was the actors, shallow as it may be, and the confrontation scene between Kris Aquino and Claudine Barretto. Now, I’m glad to have watched this movie.

Real quick: this does include minor spoilers. They're nothing big, though.

The production of the film is great. Clearly. Everyone knew what they were doing: the casting, the shooting, the story—all of it was remarkable. It was a fun film to make. Plus, I loved the rules! The film made me want to get the book to read the source material. The direction and the film’s editing too made the experience so much better.

What made me rate this movie ten stars was the theme. We all know that cheating is morally wrong. It makes for a messy situation and a lot of people get hurt in the thick of it. People cheat for different reasons: they fell in love, they wanted sex, they wanted some fun, etc. Of course, that doesn’t make it right in society’s eyes. Nothing ever does because it is a breach of trust and it shatters love.

This movie tells the tales of five women who are all mistresses. Georgia Torres (Kris Aquino) is regarded as the perfect mistress because of her beliefs and rules. Chloe Zamora (Claudine Barretto) is Georgia’s opposite. Charley Mariquit (Cheena Crab) is the richest of the five women as her partner is a business magnate. Stella Garcia (Iza Calzado), the only one he truly loved (SIX reference, anyone?). And finally, Ina Del Prado, the youngest of the group.

I thought the film’s themes would boil down to: “It’s wrong, so leave when you can.” But it wasn’t just that. Like love, the themes represent a complex circumstance. On the one hand, Chloe will end up believing their affair partners will never love them and choose them. On the other, the antithesis of Chloe’s belief is Stella. Stella proves that it isn’t a linear path. The path is as messy as the lives they willingly chose. Stella and Ambet Villoria (Tirso Cruz III) prove that love can exist in such a clandestine relationship; that the partner can choose his mistress.

Love is beautiful and complex. We wouldn’t be chasing the thrill of it if it wasn’t.

The other wonderful theme they addressed was…well, to put it simply, to entirely love someone with all that you are and how it’s not a bad thing. Constantly, I’ve read about how women who want to become housewives are judged or loving someone ‘too much’ is bad. Too much in anything can sound bad but with love, it’s choosing to love someone past your capacity because it’s unconditional and limitless. There’s no shame in that. There’s no shame in loving even when your glass is overflowing.

Throughout the film, we see that some mistresses aren’t happy with being second best. They want more—they want to be chosen, they want to be number one. And that’s the thing about illicit affairs: unless you are one of the exceptions, you never will be chosen.

That’s what Rule #10 is for: If all else fails, leave them. That’s the other major theme that the film teaches the audience. People sign up for pain and loss when they enter an affair but it doesn’t always have to be that way. It tells you that even if it’s hard, if it doesn’t make you happy, leave. And I love that the film shows you that happiness and love wait at the end of every road.

This film probably got a ton of flak for what it was about. “It promotes cheating!” or whatever argument other people made. But if you peel back the layers, you’ll see a lesson that begs to be heard by those who need to hear it.

I suppose another thing the movie brings light to is the problem of the Philippines regarding annulment and divorce. I don’t mean to become political in a review but this is a significant problem. The marriages of the men in the film have failed. They have become trapped in the prison that their marriages had become. This wouldn’t be a problem if divorce was possible here.

This one, I’m certain of: Philippine society also faces the problem of its people being arrogant, of its people hating failure, of its people prioritising their family, of its people fulfilling a promise they made in front of God as their witness, so they choose to keep going even if it’s become poison to them. I won’t sit here and talk about how it’s right because even if it’s the values taught to us since childhood, the values can become a double-edged sword at the right moment. It can turn into a pointed blade that can slowly kill a person’s happiness and resolve.

I tip my hat to the cast and crew, to the director and executives of Etiquette for Mistresses. At a surface-level glance, it does look like it romanticises and glorifies the experience and life of a mistress. The truth is, it’s a commentary on society and for that, my praise is theirs.

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